What would make you go wow? A fully fitted gym? A huge games room with built-in bar? A leather-seated cinema room? Massive bedroom balconies from which to survey four acres of gloriously rendered parkland? A grand entrance hall with sweeping staircase for which the word sashay was invented?
Shame, because The Hatch in the Essex countryside has none of that… only kidding. Across 8750 square feet, this is the square root of wow. Sixteen guests have all the toys, trinkets, baubles and bells you could possibly need for a family celebration, friends’ reunion, anniversary, birthday, hen do or stag do. Or just because you fancy it.
Let’s not forget the mood-lit swimming pool. Waste a few hours in the water, then lose a couple more in the hot tub and sauna. Eat under the dining-room chandelier or out on the terrace under the balconies. Have a nightcap in the bar. Sleep in seven giant bedrooms. Who needs to go out into the world? At The Hatch, the world comes to you.
There’s so much going on in the house that you’d be forgiven for not investigating the gardens. But you’d be missing out on four acres of expertly landscaped parkland best viewed from the columned bedroom balconies.
Wander the grounds with a gin fizz before supper. Make a night of it with supper and a Sauvignon out on the deck or the spectacular terrace beneath the balconies. At The Hatch, the high life doesn’t end on the other side of the glass back door
Amid vast living accommodation spanning nearly 9000 square feet, the entire lowerground floor comes devoted to exuberant entertainment. It all begins in the lip-smacking entrance hall with its ten-foot ceilings, glittering chandelier and swish, movie-style
sweeping staircase with ornate balustrade.
Head downstairs to find the fully fitted gym, complete with punchbag, leg press and shoulder press. Splash away an afternoon in the mood-lit indoor pool, bubble away another hour in the hot tub, then sizzle in the sauna. Spend your evenings playing pool in the games room fuelled by beer and wine from the built-in bar.
Did we mention the cinema? With leather chairs, red carpet, iconic movie posters and overhead projector, it’s the real deal. Sign in to Netflix over the superfast fibre-optic broadband and fill your boots. There’s another smart TV in the main lounge for alternative viewing. Keep the sounds flowing on the Bluetooth and Sonos.
It’s a swish kitchen: sleek and modern with an island the size of Sardinia lit by dual chandeliers. Cook on multiple ovens and fill the American fridge with goodies from Sainsbury’s and Spray’s Bakeries and fizz from County Wines. Or don’t. Bring in our professional chef for a one-off knees-up or a fully catered stay.
Eat around the 16-seater dining table beneath the chandelier or out on the terrace beneath the bedroom balconies. Order out for takeaways from Hainault Peri Peri, home of strips, nuggets and sharing platters, from Kervan Saray, a friendly charcoal-grill restaurant, or build your own sandwich at Burger Shack.
Eat out at The Orange Tree for liver and bacon with bubble-and-squeak cake or panfried seabass fillet with crab and parsley mash. Try classic pub grub and a pint at The Bell and Gate. Or head to The Goose in Romford for scampi or sausage and mash washed down with a pint in the beer garden.
Tuck in to Chinese at Wo Fat in Loughton and New Hong Kong or take a taste of Italy at Quindici. Enjoy Indian at Bekash Tandoori, Caribbean at Turtle Bay in Romford, Turkish at Mangal Meze, Portuguese at Capricho, and great British fish and chips at The Archers.
With its big gravel drive and four acres of birdy parkland wrapping around you, there’s not much to get in the way of deep sleep here. Sleeping 16 in seven big bedrooms, The Hatch offers therapeutic nights and a battle for the balconied bedrooms.
On the ground floor, bedroom one is a double that sleeps two. On the first floor, bedrooms two to five are all doubles with en-suite shower rooms, while bedrooms six and seven each provide two single beds with en-suites.
For kids, holidaying at The Hatch is a world of wonder akin to staying at Buckingham Palace. That’s only reinforced by the gravel drive with fountain and the balconied and columned entrance porch. Get the whole family down here and kids will never know they’ve left home. If you ignore the amazing toys and trinkets, obviously.
The fun begins on the lower ground floor. Pack your swim gear and inflatables for the heated indoor pool with its cool and moody lighting. Older kids will want to jump into the poolside hot tub or sweat it out in the sauna. Stick around lower ground to play pool in the games room with mocktails from the built-in bar.
We’re not done yet. Spend an afternoon in the cinema room, with its leather seats, drinks holders and projector showing Netflix over the superfast broadband. If you’re old enough, you’ll love the fully fitted gym, with punchbag, leg press and shoulder press. Sing along with the Sonos. Eat out on the balcony. And this is only day one.